Category Archives: Toxic Behaviour

Notes about The language of Intimidating and Insulting Behaviour – Snowflake, Man up etc.

28 February 2021


According to one dictionary,  Snowflake is a word used as a political insult, and from our experience it is synonymous to, or used in conjunction with the phrase ‘Man up’ to describe a person (or a whole generation in the case of snowflakes) as weak or soft.  

People labelled with the name snowflake in our experience, are usually those who have the courage to stand up and object to ill treatment of themselves or others. Woke people are people with a well developed knowledge.

What prompted me to write on the topic was some recent experiences on social media and in the news: 

One where a military veteran who was suffering from PTSD, had posted sensitive information about his treatment at his civilian job, on a social media site used by military people.  The other in the news, where we have been listening to the debate around aggression in the British Royal family and the so called “spats” being generated there. 

Both threads highlight the stances taken by the different mindsets involved, be they participants, social media users, the Tabloid Press, or TV and Radio presenters. 

The view from here

The view from here is that the recipient(s) of unwanted behaviour know the intended use of intimidating and insulting language and has the say over whether any comments directed toward them are aggressive or not.   

According to Ian Blackford MP, the leader of the Scottish National Party, talking on Radio 4 News this week “where sexual harassment, or bullying is concerned, putting the interest of complainers comes first and foremost.”

It’s a matter of Mindsets

The mindsets active in both of the threads mentioned above generated a number of common responses but only one would be appropriate under the circumstances

The hard line Approach

In both cases, responding to the need for support appropriately would have required empathy and compassion and while some would rally round, there is a noticeable deficit in these traits in certain mindsets.  Where the characteristics typical of the “hardest” establishment (or military) mindset are present, there forms an immediate risk of an attack designed to expose the relative weakness of the aggrieved. 

This hard line approach, itself unwanted, is not appropriate when all they did was point out they had an issue and stood up for themselves.  The issue was in both cases, a serious drain on mental health, generated by a toxic work or family experience leading both recipients to have suicidal thoughts, while one had attempted suicide.  (If you have suicidal thoughts then please call the Samaritans on 116123.)

Appropriate Responses

The appropriate response to this or any other medical or mental health problem is not to label the aggrieved as a liar or soft, but to remove the source of the problem in a humane way. This is so that we all move on, preferably in such a way as nobody has to suffer the problem again. 

The fact is, some people benefit from the hard line approach, some out of vested interests that maintain status quo.  In this hard line approach nobody loses face or power over others.  The mindset that uses this thrives on the power they feel in using the language and its impact on others.

What followed my veteran friends post led to his cause being deleted from the group inappropriately after snowflake behaviour became the dominant theme, when it was promoted by the hard line military mindsets and trolling behaviour.


Article in Psychology today

See Example

Name calling, aka insulting someone is part of the bullies toolkit.  “Snowflake” is a particularly succinct and powerful insult.  Like all forms of aggression, it generates a need to respond to a challenge.  If you live in a world of micro-aggression it will make you ill (Piers).

Appropriate response – Dealing with it.

In times gone by, being insulted used to attract a desire for satisfaction, usually manifest in the form of revenge and\or some kind of counter attack.  Often, in the extreme, insulting behaviour has been the catalyst to war, duelling, gunfighting and  ‘fisticuffs’ of all types. 

Nowadays, responses are limited by stricter laws and rules of proportionality.  The survivors are those with the quickest most appropriate responses. 

The emotional impact of insulting behaviour often remains ‘unaddressed’ and if you aren’t prepared, when the insult happens it could simply confound you, causing you to back down and\or kettle it up.  (This is nothing new.  It is a well-known life fact, demonstrated by the needs of parents to prepare their children for the world ahead.  Depending on your mindset is how you use that information).  (But that is beyond the scope of this article).

Usage and Impact

Intended or not, the snowflake insult when dropped into a conversation acts as a suppressant, overshadowing the voice of people who object, often to coercive, bullying and insulting behaviour.  It is a classic “put down” aimed at shutting the recipient up by projecting an unwanted label onto his or her personal characteristics.  Some people will find this behaviour not only intimidating, but will have no outlet to deal with it. 

Invalidating the Argument – Impact on the Recipient

At the point of insult, the recipient may feel his or her fight or flight mechanism being triggered, causing an adrenalin release.  In the heat of the moment this suppresses or “invalidates” any argument, especially if the target of the insult is not prepared for conflict.   He or she may have had different expectations of the outcomes of the conversation.  Continuous exposure to insulting behaviour will have an accumulative impact on the recipient’s mental health.

For the perpetrator there is instant gratification.  The wider the audience the better.  This allows him or her to dominate all those in earshot and to identify people who will be intimidated by the behaviour and those who won’t.  Bystanders who don’t want the same treatment will be dissuaded from supporting the target, furthering their psychosocial interests.


Intimidating and Insulting behaviour are not always appropriate or dignified in the family, community or workplace.  What follows name calling, labelling and micro-aggression is unjust loss of status, being demeaned and poorer life chances.  Recipients may find themselves belittled, rejected, sabotaged or snubbed.

Insulting someone can provoke an instant or delayed reaction, invoke feelings of resentment.  It causes; mental and physical pain, low self-esteem, self-hatred and a desire to harm self or others.  When disguised as jokes, with or without intended malice, insulting behaviour promotes itself as normal.  Your mindset dictates how you will use the behaviour. 

To avoid compromising people in a mentally diverse community, teachers, managers, leaders, class and team mates require skills, respect and dignity.  Without these, toxins can develop requiring specialist intervention.

Stuart Dixon FRSA

Notes about Armando Martins Case Study No 3 and emotional blackmail 31/10/18

The victim in case three is an elderly man whose next door neighbour accused him thirty years ago, of interfering with her TV set.  Relationships have never been good since this was resolved.  He is well known in the community for his hobby, being a licensed radio amateur.  His profile is quite high in the neighbourhood due to his garden antenna system.  He gets on well with his other neighbours – most of whom support him. 

Recently he has been the recipient of several types of unwanted behaviour as follows:  

Type 1.  False accusations of licence breaches delivered via secretive symbolic messages left on the doorstep of his home by an anonymous caller.  The symbol used is that used by CB radio operators to accuse each other of causing problems by “improper” use of his radio, breaking the terms of his licence.

Editors Note:  In common with other cases being compiled in support of Armando Martins, this feature implies the perpetrator has a need to torment the victim.  It implies he is being observed breaking rules and the potential to involve the authorities.  It is a veiled threat therefore.  The same symbol has appeared several times in the last few years. 

Type 2.  More recently he received a malicious call about his hobby purporting to come from the authorities and telling him he would be in breach of the rules of his licence, if he didn’t act.  This caused the victim to respond.

These incidents he thinks are pranks, however the frequency and numbers of incidents are building up and this is upsetting for him and his wife.  Someone is “getting off” on causing them anxiety.

Emotional Blackmail

Type 3. The neighbour next door’s demeanour has never been good, but recently she has made a number of caustic remarks about him and his hobby containing threats to disrupt him by reporting him to the council.  This attempt at coercive control was delivered over a number of incidents, one of which included complaints to his wife shouted through a communal wall, and accompanied by banging on the wall.  This occurred while she was indoors enjoying TV and he was enjoying a session of radio operating in the shed. 

When they eventually spoke, there was an allegation of TV Interference and the neighbour adopted a more threatening stance.

Despite his offers to resolve the situation, which mean accessing the neighbours TV to test it, she refuses and continues to threaten him saying she will have it stopped by the council.  The victim takes the correct action and obtains a leaflet from the BBC and gives it to the neighbour.  The neighbour insists she will do it her way. 

NB.  It is the BBC who have the technical resources to locate and prevent the interference.  The council don’t have any (but do have enforcement officers).

She isn’t interested – she wants to invoke sanctions that close him down. 

Anxiety levels are raised.  Her attitude and demeanour imply if the victim doesn’t comply with her rules, he will face the “bureaucrats” at the council or some other judgement.  As of today the victim awaits a call from the council and is in fear that they will act on her complaint rather than leave it to the proper authority.  (A few weeks later there is a distinctly toxic atmosphere).  While the victim said that he wasn’t losing any sleep it was clear now that he sees this as a threat to his livelihood.  In his mind he is continually questioning the situation – racking his brains, looking for reasons why he is under attack, what the next steps may be and how to deal with it – fearing the worst.  

In January 2019 the victim received a visit at night from two officers from Kent Police asking what was going on with his neighbour and for him to comment on her mental state. The purpose of the visit was vague although the victim links this with previous threats and false accusations.

NB.  The behaviour of this neighbour bears a strong resemblance to that shown in Nightmare Neighbours Next Door Series 5 Episode 8.  This has been screened multiple times on multiple channels of Freeview TV – ed.

Stuart Dixon

The Armando Martins Campaign – Summary of Achievements and Further Action Required – 02/10/18

Annual Report of the Armando Martins Campaign – Highlighting Achievements and the need for further work to make it more difficult for planning laws to be abused.  


It is now just under two years since the petitioners of the Armando Martins Campaign asked Canterbury City Council to re-instate Armando Martins’ amateur radio antenna, – after it was ordered to be removed following an act of mobbing.

Acting on behalf of the mob, council workers had successfully curtailed Armando’s hobby causing him to move.  After he moved, council workers continued to interfere with his lifestyle for several months and he was subsequently refused planning permission despite asking specifically to move to a place where he could use his property.  The impact of this struggle, a journey lasting over several years, was to thoroughly depress, stress and demoralise him.

The immediate aim of this campaign in late 2016 was to expose the nature of his treatment and counter the behaviour he encountered by resolving the issues raised by all parties.  We wanted the council to fully re-instate his statutory and human rights (to develop and use his property.)  These rights had been arbitrarily put to one side in order to satisfy his assailants.

A second case we reviewed (case 2) was used to compare Armando’s experience with.  This came to court in March 2018.  It resulted in the assailant being found guilty of assault and given a conditional discharge.  The victim in case 2 is currently enjoying a respite from the bullying he received over 25 years of living in the vicinity of a toxic neighbour and is able to get on with his life.

Both victims are now able to get on with their lives.  Armando was removed to safer accommodation, and, while he has now regained his lifestyle and thanked the council, he cannot yet draw a line under the whole experience, due to the number of avoidable incidents involving council workers and the way his planning application has been handled, which infringed his rights and flaunted various policies.

Case 2 approaches a similar junction, the council workers he encountered have been very helpful, not so the police, as they refuse to acknowledge the offence of stalking was being committed, or do anything about the surveillance cameras overlooking the victim’s property.

Where it could, the campaign gave Armando help to resolve the incidents and acted as agents and advocate, helping him through three incidents; a complaint to the local government ombudsman, a planning application and its subsequent appeal.  Our approach was to walk with him during this part of his journey and share his experience.

Currently Armando is pursuing legal action against the council staff who he thinks have helped, by breaching his rights.  He means to recover costs and make sure others don’t get the same treatment.


In September 2018 there is a noticeable difference to Armando’s outlook.  Over a cup of tea in the radio shack at his new home, we were listening to an Italian radio station making contacts with many other countries across the globe.  By October 2018 he has himself made contacts in North and South America, the Indian Ocean and Europe using his latest antenna, and he is building up a steady number of contacts with pins on the world map – proving the aerial is doing its job.  He is now in the process of improving his garden and living accommodation, and looking after his health while planning a future expedition.

Learning Opportunities – Armando

For 78 year old Armando, the last six months have been good for learning about radio, and this year’s focus has been on how to get good transmitting performance, with the minimum of local impact, while complying with the planning laws governing his  experimentation with aerials in the back yard.  (These are set out in the national planning policy framework (NPPF) (revised in July 2018) and related documentation, the most important being Planning Policy and Guidance No 8 – Telecommunications.)

Lessons Learned by the Campaign

The campaign was also learning.  To get to this point, we studied and consulted planning experts at the Radio Society of Great Britain (RSGB).  As an organisation the campaign put the views of its forty three thousand signatories to the UK Planning Authorities and the Radio Society as well as the council and housing departments involved.

These conversations are worth recording primarily because they answer the question why is nobody listening and why can’t I get a quick, simple and accurate answers to my questions  about planning or support from the planning system when it goes wrong for me?

After consulting Armando’s MP he was directed (rightly) to complain to the ombudsman.  This is still in progress after more than six months.

A further case came to light which highlighted the nature of the problem of consistency between different LPA’s when dealing with licensed radio amateurs.  John Carpenter, A licensed radio amateur from Cornwall had written a short piece about how his LPA had forced him to apply for planning permission for an antenna which normally wouldn’t need it costing him £500 for plans and the process.  (Source: Gary Myers –

Since the conversation with Gary circa 29th October the importance of these conversations has been realised:

  • Public Consultation Process ( Follow Link).  This is the official means of making change in government.  Complaining about problems to your MP puts the complainant in a minority and you will be directed elsewhere – usually the ombudsman.  Democratic process allows for public consultation and public consultations are used to make changes to plans and laws. Organisations and individuals can influence change via this process.
  • Local Plans (Follow link).  This is about shaping where you live.  Since 2012 each local authority has been directed to make their own local plans in consultation with local people.  These are the rules that the LPA is more likely to use to make planning decisions.  Martins local plans are devoid of anything that would make obtaining planning permission easier for the radio enthusiast.  Also they were written by the LPA and not the local people, he thinks radio amateurs weren’t consulted when they were compiled and therefore they don’t take into account this minority groups needs.

    More about local plans and who can make them

The RSGB acknowledged that Local Plans is a problem and said they would take part in consultations with the Department for Planning and Communities about the national planning policy framework.

Because of the above we were able to recommend that the parliamentary campaign to exempt amateur radio aerials from requiring planning permission take a different approach  from November 2018.  See Joint Statement Here 

We concluded to make change in Amateur Radio needs the right people to do the right things at the right time using established principles and techniques.


The radio society guidelines on planning were re-published in September 2018.  The campaign has two constructive criticisms for an otherwise welcome revision.  It omits to appraise the significant changes made to planning policy and inform the reader of some important developments relative to them which changed in 2018.  Also it ignores the Armando Martins Campaigns approaches to the RSGB over their attitude to neighbour bullying aka nightmare neighbours, abuse of licensed radio amateurs and the planning authorities.  However it gives good planning advice.

Nightmare Neighbours and The RSGB
The RSGB’s current policy regarding the neighbour nightmare is that it takes a bystander role.  According to the late Dr Tim Field, et al,  bystanders tend to sit on their hands and indulge in victim blaming during encounters with bullies.

Normal Neighbour Behaviour

The RSGB puts getting on with the neighbours at the centre of its policy as a means for members to achieve their planning goals.  See here for a report entitled A Neighbourly Nation: Through the Keyhole prepared by the COOP and Neighbourhood Watch.  This provides some basic statistics about neighbour behaviour, establishing what good neighbours are and that 52% of people surveyed said they had good relations with neighbours.

Borderline Abnormal Behaviour

The report went on to say a quarter of people say their neighbours are less than courteous.  We established that getting on with the neighbours is normative behaviour.

Abnormal Behaviour

To support its view the Armando Martins Campaign also discovered through the work of Svenn Torgersen, PhDEinar Kringlen, MDVictoria Cramer, PhD prevalence of people at large in the community exhibiting a dark triad of behavioural traits or personality disorders such as sadistic personality disorder.  By comparing the traits of people exhibiting toxic behaviour with normal behaviour we concluded that there are small numbers of people in the target population of our study who are exposed to being victimised by neighbours with these traits.  We conclude it’s no co-incidence to find in the target community of licensed radio amateurs people reporting toxic neighbour\council worker issues via social media, Seven cases have come to light – all in the south east of England.  #MeToo

Because of the variation in reactions from these different mindsets, we say, while the majority of people benefit from great relationships with their neighbours, getting on with the neighbours should never be a pre-requisite to entering into a planning development.

In case study two, the victim’s normal neighbours allowed him to put antenna wires in their gardens and encouraged the diversity his hobby brought to the area.  They were happy to learn about it.  A toxic neighbour silently objected, and cut the wires in several acts of covert (and then overt) sabotage.

As we established that getting on with the neighbours is normative behaviour, we noted that toxic people have an ability to pass off their abnormal behaviour as normal,  producing plausible lies, particularly when compromised etc.

By denying, or playing down the existence of toxic behaviour in communities, we think it exposes others, enabling them to become victims of undesirable or inappropriate behaviours.  Some examples of which are:

  • Victimisation
  • Opening the victim to coercive control.
  • Encouraging the victim to indulge in bribery.
  • Encouraging the victim to be false – by being nice to people they don’t really like.
  • Exposure to emotional blackmail.
  • Forcing avoidance behaviour,  the victim hiding or limiting their activities.
  • Victim blaming; Members of the community blaming the victim (for whatever he or she did to encourage the assailant.)  Also members of the victims hobby community blaming the victim for bringing the activity into disrepute or for their own difficulties\behaviour.
  • incitement (e.g. to retaliate).
  • Assault
  • etc

The victim in case 2 said “the first sign of trouble is if you receive a veiled or overt threat when talking to your neighbours”.  “Do we have to put up with that?” “Eyesore” etc.  Unwelcome questions and remarks about your property are indicators that all is not well and will set hairs running.  He records his assailant has many of the traits associated with sadistic personality disorder.  Someone who spent time making up and trying to enforce a set of rules on his victim and raising the stakes when the victim doesn’t comply – reporting the most minor and sometimes made up “infringements” or “misdemeanours” to the police or the planning\housing authorities for his own pleasure.  Victim 2 makes the point normal people are more forgiving and polite about mistakes and errors and don’t tell lies.  All of his “errors” and “mistakes”  were shouted at him – or were lies, made up and shouted at him in front of the other neighbours.  His neighbours all feared the assailant – as a tyrant.  “All of this was ignored by the police until he assaulted me”.

Both victims have had anxiety levels raised, and experienced sleeplessness and symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress, flashbacks about incidents and obsessing about retaliatory measures etc.

Once exposed the assailant represents a perpetual threat, which might not come directly, but via the planning department.  Toxic people like to create fear.  This is enhanced by anonymity.  The perception is that planning authorities gather intelligence on “illegal” developments and this is something the toxic mindset uses.  How the planning authorities react is a variable which causes fear – that the victim’s goals will be blocked and restricted – giving the assailant pleasure and something to gloat about.

Talking openly about yourself or what you do for pleasure is an open invitation to a toxic mindset. Here is an example of sadistic\psychopathic behaviour enabled by the internet.  It involves deliberately triggering an epileptic fit by sending flashing images via social media.  The same mindset will think nothing of sending vexatious reports about you to the authorities.  

The RSGB should explain its policy further.  

Steven Way, a chartered building surveyor at Collier Stevens, was quoted in the Times on 8th April 2018 as saying,  “Some people seem to think that rejecting their neighbour’s planning application is a way to get even if there is a history of distrust. Many disputes are rooted in jealousy.” He was talking about a high profile case which had been resolved by the courts.

When comparing the performance of Canterbury City Council in Armando’s case, with how Gravesham Borough Council dealt with Case 2, there are significant differences in the way housing and planning staff operate when nightmare neighbours attack.  The former it is suggested, are more open to being used to abuse.   

See also here for a brief summary of case three.

Gaming the System

The Armando Martins Campaign concludes:  There is enough evidence to prove there are toxic people at large in our communities.  These are people with the type of mindset that would willingly exploit “the planning system” for their own (sadistic) pleasure.  When they don’t have the power to get at their neighbours they can tap into a ready source.  Willing council workers who  flaunt government and local policy to coerce them into compliance.  

Pot luck for the victim who depends on the skills of policy makers, council workers and police to detect and rectify sometimes criminal behaviour, only to find more of the same or limited services.  One further learning experience involves discovering just how much effort is needed to deal with nightmare neighbours because of the protective envelope of bureaucracy and lack of support for victims.  This in itself is a weapon in the right hands.  Victim blaming also brings victim punishment from people who role themselves as by-standers.  The reaction of authorities when asked for help, may well take the form of more bureaucracy – being forced into complaint systems, appeal systems and judicial services that are designed not to be productive but to coerce people into giving up.

Thank You

During the petition phase of the campaign we listened to lots of opinion, and contacted responsible people in: Canterbury City Council and East Kent Housing, The Department for Community and Planning and the Planning Inspectorate, and also the Radio Society of Great Britain, these organisations also all played a hand in getting to this point.  We were particularly inspired by the contribution of people on Facebook especially the un-official Radio Society of Great Britain and Amateur Radio UK groups for sharing their experience and views (and for not booting me out).

What does success looks like?

Not all opinions were  appropriate or agreeable, and some conflicted with the campaigns view’s.  They did however tell us what success would look like and how it would be achieved, by influencing these organisations in variable degrees.  For example with the radio society who supported us with planning advice, and who have recently updated their guidance which was outdated and inaccurate.  We think we even managed to re-focus their strategy by highlighting the benefits for elderly people of hobbies, by pointing them towards good practice such as the Men’s sheds movement.  We notice the RSGB has broadened their strategy in that very direction.  We also came across taboos, and people unwilling to stand up for Armando – blaming him for his situation.  That’s not unusual, it is human.  Nonetheless an inappropriate value in this day and age.  Also we passed on the requirement for changes, to the national planning policy framework team and after evaluating it for the planning inspectorate, are reasonably sure there is to be change in the areas we highlighted.

They think it’s all over…

We could leave it here but Armando thinks if we do, sooner or later he or somebody else will face this treatment and therefore he is now taking action aimed to close the problem down for everyone.  To support him he asks you to view his crowdfunding page here and join him in taking further preventative measures.  The campaign remains open for business, because it is simply not OK to witness such behaviour and do nothing.

A draft constitution covering the forward plan to raise funds to support a legal challenge has been raised.

Draft Constitution
The Armando Martins Campaign and subsequent crowdfunding is to cover legal costs that enable Armando Martins to be fairly represented in court.  As others have been treated the same as Armando we want to prevent further occurrences of abuse and provide help and advice for others in similar situations – filling a gap in the RSGB’s services.  We think the way to achieve this is to set a legal precedent and to be an organisation and continue campaigning.  IT’s NOT OK.  Until then we want to raise funds to keep “old timers” on the air until they choose to stop, especially when their circumstances change. This is to combat loneliness and breakdown in mental and physical health. We are open to all radio amateurs who find themselves in difficulty after their antenna systems and plans have been interfered with or their legitimacy misunderstood.  In the interim we will develop a process for tackling unfair decisions by council officials based on Armando’s experience and make it available to others. When there is a fair and consistent process we will close the campaign. When the campaign winds up, surplus funds will go to a charity such as Men’s Sheds.

Any money raised will be kept in a non-registered charity account. (Any money collected temporarily and currently goes into a business account).  Nominated officials are: Mac McDonald, John Rivers, Stuart Dixon and Ian Hope.

Stuart Dixon


Friend or Foe? What Toxic People do at Work, School or at Home

It can be pretty hard to tell whether our neighbours, school mates or work colleagues are our enemies or our friends.  This is due to a number of human characteristics.  As we progress through life we are drilled into teams and indoctrinated to believe cooperation and competition are healthy.   (Sometimes things are won by fair means or foul((but thats OK provided you are the winner)).  Life revolves around getting on with people i.e. you must fit in, otherwise we are at fault and are rejected.  Really.  Because of this sometimes we put our trust in people we should not and our friends turn out to be anything but friendly.  When people are your enemy you may never know what they are doing, actively or passively to work against you, but when they do it can have a devastating effect on your life.  You would need to be a detective to be alert to the danger of allowing the wrong people access to your life, your property, your work or your wealth.  You hear all the time in the news, Be alert!  Scammers are teaming up to to rob people by masquerading as officials to inspect their property and while one of them keeps you busy the other is robbing your purse.  One cyber security expert thinks that the internet is a dangerous place – he opens his lectures by airing the startling fact that 99.99999998% of people are your enemies and out for themselves, to steal from you or damage you in some way to their advantage and he then asks would you let them in your front door?  Before outlining the type of security measures needed to keep people out of your computer.

Am I Just being Paranoid?

Most people when they air concerns about people acting against them will come across the re-assurance of their “friends” telling them “you are just being paranoid”.  The late Dr Tim Field said that it would be naive, not to apply a level of vigilance to your life, your property and your wealth.   Yet paranoia is a mental illness and this is used in a derogatory way to disarm careful people by introducing doubt about the way they think.  He introduced the fact that hyper-vigilance which is similar to paranoia as a symptom of PTSD which people who have been traumatised feel when they are reminded of the events.  (People who have been bullied will also have flashbacks, and sleepless nights from their experiences.)


Humans take pride in their achievements but among our emotions are jealously and envy.  People are motivated by their activities and achievements, be it a job well done, a new creation at home or in the garden, a new acquisition, reaching a particular level in sport or games or showing courage and leadership.  All of these signal success.  Our friends are people who share that success and partner with us to achieve it, they share our achievements and support us to meet our goals.  There are a number of sides to this:  If you are selfish and don’t share credit or recognise the contribution of others, you would pretty soon demotivate your friends if you weren’t careful.  Also it is easy to see that if people aren’t included in the activity they can become jealous or envious of an achievement and want to copy it or own it themselves – no problem if  they know how, but the deviant may steal it or usurp the credit.  People lead by setting examples, successful people teach and mentor others.

Live and Let Live

Normal is being able to recognise that some people get to the head of the queue before others and that is their life.  Accepting your place in the hierarchy and making your own way in the world give satisfaction.  Exceptionally handing your achievements to an exceptional team member or some body who needs it more than you are a sign of distinction.  When negative emotions come together, people with good emotional skills can recognise and deal with it – using tact and diplomacy for example.  We live and let live.

Some people however cheat and steal their way to the head of the queue, and take advantage of others – after all – all is fair in love and war.  These people think nothing of others and focus everything on themselves, acting to the detriment of whoever is in the way.  They are out to steal your life if they can get it, or destroy it.  Their aim is to put you further down the hierarchy than them.  Often because they can’t dominate you or achieve superiority fairly, toxic people will resort to devious means.  Sometimes this type of behavior can be fun,  (when its between equals and without ego) often it can be to teach a lesson.  When a toxic character is active their actions may be covert, malicious acts, hidden from you perhaps disguised as fun or banter, or it can be overt, designed to humiliate you in public for example.  Focusing on the malicious behaviour of toxic people, the ultimate aim is destruction by eroding the targets self esteem and confidence.  A number of techniques are available for this purpose.

What sort of activities do our enemies get up to?

Toxic Work Places.  

Deviant toxic bosses create stress by: Setting work targets that are un-achievable, withdrawing funds and support or by forcing their victim to go through stressful, prolonged and repetitive work processes.  They can engineer bad feedback in annual reports or threaten to by-pass the law by giving bad verbal references limiting peoples careers.  They may also resort to goal blocking – actively and covertly preventing people from meeting their target(s) or interfering with their motivational projects.  The pleasure these people get is from watching people struggle and the satisfaction of promoting their sycophants above good people – because their social skills are “better”.   In the NHS the author has observed untrained and inexperienced sycophants taking over their colleagues jobs after the colleague had been successful at it for a number of years.  This particular tool gives senior managers in the NHS the opportunity to by-pass legitimate promotion routes and give jobs to their favourite employees – in return for favours.  Many people feel let down by this in the NHS, and for that reason the NHS is viewed as a toxic workplace.  It spends a lot of money countering this by spinning it and covering it up with taboos.  The NHS says it is out to change this culture, but resistance is high among people who would lose power if it did.  In the authors experience, having a toxic boss in your life limits it – even if that person eventually reveals himself as criminal, the damage is done.

Poisonous Neighbours

In the neighbourhood, toxic neighbours often apply similar behavior, limiting a victims enjoyment of their property.  They act by humiliating and dominating their victim.  Some such actions may come out of the desire for revenge where the assailant picks on various aspects of the victims life such as his or her hobby or property developments, by directly interfering in them.  They bragg about it in public or behind the victims back, trashing their work or new new creations or rubbish the victims efforts poisoning their lives.

Unfortunately while the law exists to  deal with this – it is expensive and difficult to apply making the neighbourhood a playground for toxic people.